Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
