The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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