No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
