If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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