i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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