this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
