You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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