i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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