So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
