I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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