We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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