Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
as a side note pls kill me
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
