Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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