haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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