It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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