wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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