You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize