You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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