Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
