the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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