can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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