WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
As shirtless as possible
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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