how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
