I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Holy sore nipples Batman
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
