Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
