Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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