He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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