Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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