I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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