You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
