Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
