epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
