the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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