Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
