twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
