Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Randomize