that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Found the puke drawer
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
