His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
