There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
