You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
