I think my fart just growled at me.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He better not be in your backpack
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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