I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
