You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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