bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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