I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
