I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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