oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
