i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She bit a glass in half.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Randomize
