We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
