Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
