if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
