Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
