What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
