Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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