I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
