Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
