i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
