so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
it's like iHOP with fire
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
