I bet he comes in French.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize