Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
