just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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