I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
