They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
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