btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
