the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
