please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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