I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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