I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
