Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
