I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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