I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
