i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
