im six kinds of drunk right now
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
