question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
tell me about the eggs
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
