my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
