Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
