There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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