i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize