Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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