I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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