I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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