I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
