When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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