The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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