Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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