Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
