I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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