"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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