Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Randomize