Plan B is the new Plan A
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
