do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
