Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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