Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
