I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
