One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
