I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
