if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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